If you are not seeing a luminous and loving world, you are looking at life on the level of fear, and forgiveness will feel nearly impossible. Forgiveness involves letting other people be as they are without judgment. When you condemn other people, believing that ego cruelty is their ultimate and only truth, you will become a part of their hatred, harm and selfishness
It is possible to function with love in the world without becoming an active part of another's ego darkness. While on one level you need to say a firm, "no" to fear-driven mistreatment, unkindness, cruelty or destruction, on another level you can join with everyone you meet with the silent intention to spiritually heal within.
Spiritual teacher Miranda Holden offers a beautiful way to inwardly join with people when it feels difficult to communicate face-to-face. My adaptations are below:
1. Choose Someone to Forgive: See someone you are unable to relate with person-to-person in your imagination with whom you would like to make a deeper connection, experience some kind of healing, or break through into forgiveness.
2. Look for the Light: See this person's face and feel their presence. Brush past the difficult personality traits, behaviours and history altogether. Notice your fears of deeper contact and search for the light in his or her heart. Trust that although this light may be shrouded, it is there. Be willing to reach for the highest light within this person.
3. Build a Bridge of Grace: Once you can see this seed of light in the darkness of the person you find difficult, reach out from your heart to the light in his or her heart and walk towards it. Allow this light to draw you towards the highest within this person you want to forgive. Imagine that the light within both of your hearts is forming a bridge of love.
4. Find the Emotional Need: With your heart wide open, compassionately sense into this person's darkness. Ask, "What is your primary emotional need?" Allow your intuition to show you a hidden emotional need within this person.
5. Find the Antidote: Next, ask your intuition to communicate the antidote to his or her emotional pain. It might be respect, love, appreciation or acceptance, for example. Pour this antidotal feeling of fulfillment into the person you want to forgive. Pour this emotional remedy directly into his or her heart.
6. Give to the Emotional Need: Through your imagination, give this person what he or she emotionally needs. Know that what you give to another, you also give to yourself. As you both feel emotionally fulfilled on an inner imaginal level, speak out the contents of your heart.
7. Celebrate the Spiritual Relationship: Let all fears between you drop away. When you forgive someone who has harmed you, your authentic self emerges along with a feeling of emotional relief. Enjoy the truth of your spiritual relationship with this person, even if it is not a reality on a personality level.